GuruGuru Wan Nyan Nijutsu
by Shirohane
Summary: Sasuke wakes up to find himself turned into a dog. In his false form, only Naruto accepts him. While he stays with Naruto, he learns that there is more to Naruto than his outer appearance, just like he is more than pretty looks. Mild Sasuke x Naruto.
1. Wankotan

**Guru****Guru****Wan****♡****Nyan****♡****Ninjutsu!****♡**

♡SasuNaru-Only Novel♡

When he had woken up in the morning, he had turned into a dog.

The first thing that notified him that something was wrong was when he looked up into the sky, directly into the sunlight that filtered through his curtains. The colors were completely wrong, and he was only able to see few blotches of colors amongst the world that seemed to have turned into a black-and-white film. Feeling instinctively that something was wrong, he picked himself up from the bed and realized that his eye level was much, much lower than it should have been. His clothes had slipped off of his shoulders, and he looked down at his hands to see a dog's paws.

"…What the hell?"

Except his voice did not come out. Unpleasant mixture of whine and bark of a small dog escaped from his throat, and he narrowed his eyes and shut his mouth. He didn't like the sound. Instead he climbed down from the bed and trotted out of his room. While moving, he furrowed his brows in an attempt to remember the events of yesterday. What had caused this change? It must have been something that happened during yesterday's mission. But even when he had walked enough to reach the Hidden Leaf's central, he still could not remember any remarkable incident that happened yesterday.

"Look, it's a dog."

"Eh, it must be a mutt. It's ugly!" A thrill voice said. He twitched. 'Ugly' was not a word that was ever directed towards him. Even though he did not bother to see his reflection yet, he indignantly thought that he was surely not an ugly dog. A small pebble thrown at him made him abruptly stop and look up to gleeful faces of children. "Eat it, eat it!"

"Idiot, dogs don't eat rocks."

'I hate children,' he dryly thought. He felt grubby little hands picking him up and throatily growled, but the child tightly held him around his waist, effectively cutting off his air circulation. He struggled, but the child stubbornly held on. As a warning he lightly grazed his teeth against the child's hand, not hard enough to break the skin and definitely not hard enough to hurt, but the child yelped and threw him to the ground. It hurt.

"Stupid ugly dog, it bit me!"

"It has rabies! Kill it, kill it!"

Shower of stones rained down on him. He backed away, growling, before one particularly big stone hit his leg and caused him to sharply yelp. It probably wasn't worth it to fight back. He scampered away, but his wounded front paw caused him to have slight limp. With loud delighted cries the children started to chase him. He ran into the corner of an alley and hid among the bags of trash, waiting until the children disappeared. Every part of his body ached, and his front paw was starting to bleed. He gingerly licked at his wound.

A sharp cracking sound was followed by a heavy shower of rain. The weather suddenly changed so that it was much, much colder, and to his dismay Sasuke realized that even if he went home, he didn't have the key to his door, much less have the ability to open the door. He dug into the crevice between the plastic trash bags, attempting to find shelter, but it was useless. He was completely soaked within matter of minutes.

"Ahahaha, so I told him…"

"Really? Oh no! So what did he say?"

He pricked his ears up. He recognized the voices. Two girls were walking towards him, sharing an umbrella as they brightly chatted and giggled. He painfully picked himself up and walked towards the girls, looking up at them. The girls stopped walking. Pink-haired girl with pretty green eyes was the first one to speak.

"Ew! What a nasty dog! Do you think it'll bite?"

"It smells bad, too," Ino chimed, staring at him curiously. "It looks all diseased and nasty. Look how skinny it is. Usually puppies will be very chubby and cute, but this one looks gross. I think it'll die soon anyway."

He hesitantly stepped back. This wasn't the response he expected. Only few days ago, when they saw a stray dog, Sakura had been the one who clasped her hands together and ranted on and on about how sorry she felt for the dog, how she would take it home only if her mother wasn't allergic to dogs, about how the poor beautiful baby was looking so sad. In the end Kakashi was the one who took it home, but he ended up with an impressions that Sakura was kind to strays. But…

"This is a new dress that I especially got to show Sasuke-kun, too! Let's go before it bites us or something."

Sakura threw a last disgusted look at him before she all but ran away from him, clinging to Ino's arm. Ino hesitated, then she pulled out her handkerchief and covered him up with it before she followed Sakura. He stood in the downpour with a white handkerchief covering him, the cloth rapidly dampening from his own wet fur and the pouring rain. Then he slowly crawled back to the trash dump and curled up at the corner, tucking his head into his paws. He closed his eyes.

He wasn't sure how many hours had passed. Everything looked cloudy and hazy, and he was starting to have trouble breathing. His body felt like it was on fire. The rain had turned into a drizzle that chilled him to the bone, and the air kept getting colder and colder. He was able to see his breath that coiled towards the darkening sky as thick, small puffs.

"Heh? What's a puppy doing in a place like this?"

Soft, warm voice filled his ears, and he cocked one of his ears as he attempted to focus his gaze upon the speaker. Mass of golden blob slowly cleared into bright blond hair, and his dark eyes met bright blue-eyes of the young boy. What was he doing here? Why was he the one who noticed him, even though he was practically hidden among the pile of garbage? How could he have noticed him? The boy kneeled down until his umbrella was covering the dog, stretching one of his hands out.

He immediately snapped at the finger, cowering further into the bags of trash. But the boy only softly laughed as he grabbed the nape of his neck and hurled him up. He slowly stood up, cradling him against his chest, then tucked the handle of his umbrella under his chin before he unzipped the orange jumper he always wore and unceremoniously dropped him into the folds of his cloth.

'The heaven-forsaken dimwit slowpoke _moron_,' he immediately thought. 'His cloth is going to smell like trash. And what if I bite him and I have rabies? What is he going to do about that? Why is he bothering to be kind to a dying stray dog?! _Dunce_!'

"Are you sick, Koinu-san?" Naruto softly asked, rubbing his wet fur through his jacket. "Wait a little, okay? We'll get home soon."

He snuggled further into the other boy's warmth. His sensitive ears picked up the steady, gentle rhythm of the boy's heart. It was very comforting. He dozed off, and was only reawakened when he heard a sharp ring.

"That's unusual. You usually get the milk that we can't sell, right? Why are you buying fresh milk all of a sudden?" A middle-aged man asked, wrapping the parcels in a plastic bag. Naruto shyly laughed and unzipped his jacket, showing his face and one of his paws poking through the orange jacket. His blackish blue fur dramatically crashed with his orange jacket, and he blinked his dark eyes owlishly at the storekeeper. "What, the milk is for this little guy?"

"I can't give him milk that's possibly spoilt," Naruto said, smiling. He zipped his jacket up again and took hold of the groceries. "I'm always thankful, sir. I'll take out the trashes for you early tomorrow."

"There's no need, Naruto. Make sure that the dog gets some food. It looks half-dead."

"Ahahaha. He does look skinny for a puppy, doesn't he?" Naruto gave a short bow to the man before he left the store and trudged towards his home with his parcels, the black dog still securely buried in his chest. He squirmed, then poked his nose out. Naruto tapped his wet nose with his finger, then reached into his pocket and pulled out his key. He unlocked the door and entered.

The apartment was surprisingly clean. Naruto pulled him out and settled him on the sofa, then covered him with his jacket before leaving. He curled up into a ball at the edge of the sofa and violently shivered. He felt like throwing up. It wasn't long before he felt himself being lifted up, then settled into Naruto's arms. Naruto was holding a dish, and he couldn't help but grimace. Did he have to eat dog food? Would it be possible for him to eat dog food without getting sick? He already felt nauseous; he really didn't need dog food to help him become even sicker.

But what Naruto held against his lips was bread dipped in warm honeyed milk. He stared at it. Naruto sounded annoyed when he said, "What, this is not good enough for you? Don't be so picky. I thought this since I first saw you, but you really remind me of someone that I know."

Suddenly the hand holding him relaxed as the boy's shoulders slumped. In a dejected voice he muttered, "An annoying guy that always makes fun of me and hates me… You remind me of that guy."

He broodingly stared at Naruto. He lowered his head and started to eat out of Naruto's hand, and Naruto continued to dip little pieces of soft bread into honeyed milk until he felt full and stopped eating. Naruto placed the milk and bread on the table and stood up, holding him in his arms.

"Let's get you cleaned up, Koinu-san."

He silently stared at Naruto, and Naruto lightly sighed. "…If you're a dog, wag your tail or at least bark, damn it. What are you, a wolf pup or something? Really, you're just like him…"

He slowly walked to the bathroom and set him on the bathtub before he turned the water on and adjusted the temperature. Naruto started to pull his clothes off. He was a lot skinnier than he had thought. Underneath all that layer of clothing, there really wasn't much flesh, and there were many old wounds that had left scar because they have not been treated properly. Then Naruto started to pull his undergarments off, and he hurriedly turned his head away. Even if he was a dog, he did not feel right looking at Naruto's body without his consent.

Naruto climbed into the tub and held him against his arms, leaning back into the tub. His small body comfortably fit into the tub, and he started to scratch the place behind his ears. It felt pleasant, so he closed his eyes and let Naruto pat him as warm water lapped at him.

"I want to give you a name."

'Don't, you dimwit,' he thought, scowling. Naruto continued to talk.

"…But I won't, because I'll get attached you. I'm sick and tired of liking something that won't like me back. So Sasuke, I won't like you anymore."

Sasuke placed his paws against Naruto's chest and stared at Naruto's face. The smile on Naruto's face looked bitter. "I hate you, Sasuke. You keep hurting me. I don't need someone like you."

So Sasuke bit him. Not so that it would hurt much, but a sharp nip to his second finger to show his displeasure. Naruto only laughed, a small, sad laughter. He lifted himself up from the tub and dipped Sasuke into the water, making sure his head stayed above the surface of the water. When his fur was wet, he started to scrub him with a soap.

'…Don't tell me you don't use shampoo, Naruto?' Sasuke wearily thought as Naruto shut the water off and started to scrub his own head with the said soap. He stayed still as Naruto finished washing himself and Sasuke, then stepped out of the tub, wrapping towels around Sasuke's body before he wrapped a towel around himself. He squatted in front of Sasuke and rubbed his fur dry before he walked away, probably to get dressed. Sasuke shook the water out of his fur and stepped out of the shower to follow the other boy.

Naruto had already pulled his pajamas on and was in the process of buttoning up his shirt. When he noticed Sasuke he pulled Sasuke into his arms again. "We're going to be sleeping together, Sasuke."

'No way, you idiot!' Sasuke immediately yelled. It came out as a sharp mixture of yelps and barks. Naruto's eyes widened.

"What, you don't want to?! You're really just like that bastard! Nope, can't do that. It's going to be cold during night, Koinu-san, and you're sick already." Naruto kissed the wet, pink nose of the black dog. "It's only for tonight, so be good. I'll take you to the vet tomorrow."

Sasuke squirmed, but Naruto tightly held him and climbed onto the bed. When Naruto pressed his cheek against his body, it felt good, so he stopped struggling to watch Naruto's face. Naruto soon looked relaxed as he drifted off to sleep. Sasuke watched over him a long time after he had fallen asleep.

* * *

"It seems that Sasuke is missing, Koinu-san," Naruto ruefully said, setting out a small dish of sausages for him. He squatted in front of Sasuke, watching him eat. "Kakashi-sensei and Sakura-chan are really worried, too. It's not like him to disappear like that without any reason, right? We've looked everywhere, but we can't find him. What am I going to do if I can't ever meet him again, Koinu-san?"

'What's it to you? You hate me,' Sasuke thought to himself. When he backed away from the bowl and broodingly looked up at Naruto, Naruto picked him up and held him against his chest.

"You seem to be doing much better… Shall we go to the vet anyway? Do you think it'll be okay for you to eat some dog food later?" Naruto asked, his voice strangely soft. It irritated Sasuke that Naruto would use such gentle voice to a mere dog, especially since when Naruto spoke to him—as a human—his voice always had a sharp edge to it. Somehow Sasuke instinctively knew that Naruto was weary of him, had been guarding against him from the very beginning, and this irritated him. So how could he let his guard down in front of a dog? When Sasuke stubbornly shut his mouth and turned his head away, Naruto lightly sighed and kissed his nose, which irritated him to no end. "Let's see how you're doing today. If you get worse, we'll go to the vet."

Naruto glanced at the kitchen. A bitter laughter escaped his throat. Surprised that Naruto can make such a sound, Sasuke sharply looked up at him. "…I'm tired of eating cup noodles again and again and again… Milk that's past expiration date, the cheapest cup noodles, cereal that has gone stale a long time ago… So I stop eating… But to live, I must force myself to eat, but for what? Just so I can stop eating again…"

'I had enough of your nonsense,' Sasuke thought. He violently squirmed, and Naruto lowered him to the floor so he could scamper away.

"You won't even listen to my complaints? …Koinu-san, you're so not cute."

Naruto laughed again, this time a weak, helpless laughter that sounded more like he was crying than laughing, then he turned away and walked towards the window. It was raining again, a cold, gloomy drizzle that fogged up the entire village. Naruto rested his hand against the chilly, smooth surface of the glass, then closed his eyes.

When left by himself, Naruto was quiet. Except for occasional little comments directed towards him or his plants, Naruto did not talk, nor did he move around. He slumped over beneath the window, his blue eyes glassy and distant, his small lips tightly shut. He did not smile, did not run around, did not even so much as shift. Sasuke stayed a little distance away form him, curled up into a loose ball, watching Naruto intently. It continued to rain.

At twelve, the afternoon sun was finally able to creep out when rain clouds partly dissipated, and this seemed to cheer Naruto up a little. He clumsily made egg rolls and fed it to Sasuke, then proceeded to water his plants. Because Naruto did not eat anything yet, Sasuke grew a little concerned—not that he was worrying for the dimwit or anything, of course, but—so he followed Naruto around as Naruto watered various plants scattered around his house. Naruto had surprisingly large number of plants, all of which were flourishing and strongly growing.

"This orchid is going to bloom soon, Koinu-san," Naruto suddenly said, moving out of the way so Sasuke could look at the plant that he was watering. The elegant, thin plant had a pale pink bud clinging to one of its stalks, and Naruto fondly caressed its thick green leaves. "I bought this one when I became friends with Sasuke. Actually I'm the one who declared that we're friends after Sasuke saved me at the Water Country. At that time I was so frightened that he'd die on me that I said without thinking that he's my best friend, but I'm sure he laughed at me afterwards. Relationship between Sasuke and me keeps worsening, but this orchid keeps on growing well. Isn't that so weird? Look, it even got itself a friend…"

It was only then that Sasuke realized that a vine of some sort had itself wrapped around the base of the orchid. The vine had small, fragile leaves, and it looked plain and pathetic clinging to the regal orchid, but somehow it felt as if the two plants belonged to each other. Naruto touched one delicate leaf. "I had this creeper as far back as I could remember. It looks pretty ugly, doesn't it? But it has really cute yellow flowers, and no matter how much I cut it it grows back. When I was little I often forgot to water the plants, but this one never died, even if all others died."

Naruto stared at the vine and orchid for few seconds, then something flashed in his eyes. He violently ripped the vine away from the orchid and threw the torn strands of vine to the floor.

"But what's the point of it living like this when the orchid will never return its embrace?!!! Stupid plant! Single-sided love… Single-sided love hurts this much, and yet it keeps growing around the orchid!" Naruto's voice trembled towards the end of his outburst, then he lowered his head and started to cry. It was loud, helpless wails, and Sasuke anxiously circled around him. Don't cry, dimwit. Don't cry, he anxiously thought. But there was no way to comfort him, so he nudged Naruto's leg with his nose, then sharply nipped at his ankle. After a while Naruto's sobs grew more quiet, then he stumbled towards the sofa and threw himself down.

"…My head hurts." There was a long silence, then Naruto whispered so quietly that Sasuke nearly missed what he said.

"What if Sasuke really left me, Koinu-san? What will I do if I can't even watch him from afar? I miss… Sasuke…"

* * *

When he woke up, he had returned to his human form. He had not protested to sleeping with Naruto the night before, so Naruto's small arms were tightly wrapped around his shoulders, his head buried in his chest. He shifted so that Naruto was resting on his chest instead. Tears were still clinging to long eyelashes, so he wiped the tears away and rested his cheek against top of the mess of blonde tresses. Naruto gave small whimper before burying into his chest, seeking warmth.

"Sasuke…"

Wet blue eyes slowly opened, peering into his face. When he lightly kissed the sleepy child's nose, Naruto's entire body stiffened against his, then Naruto started to struggle against him.

"Sa- Sasuke?! What are you doing here, you bastard?! More than that, what the hell are you doing in my bed?!!!"

Annoyingly loud screeches filled the room. This Naruto was more like the Naruto that he was used to, so he lifted Naruto's hand against his lips and sharply nipped at his finger. "Hn. Shut up, dimwit. You're the one who insisted that we sleep together."

Shocked expression filled Naruto's face. He tentatively reached out with his fingers to touch his face. "Ko… inu-san?"

"Don't call me that," Sasuke snapped. When Naruto continued to stare at him, he pressed his hand against Naruto's hand touching his face. "You said you miss me, didn't you? What's up with that stupid expression?"

"I, I didn't say anything about missing you! Who'd want to see someone like you?! I don't—Mmmmph!"

The sharp edge was back in Naruto's voice, so he didn't want to hear anymore. When he crushed his lips against Naruto's, Naruto struggled, trying to pull away from him. He pushed Naruto into the bed and kissed him until he felt the need for air and released Naruto's lips. Naruto touched his stolen lips with his fingers, blushing brightly. "You're so noisy, you idiot. Why are you always hiding yourself from me? Do I mean less to you than a dog?! Why are you always tightly holding your pains and loneliness inside and never show such side to me?!!!"

"Because…" Naruto turned his head away. "Because… I… You…"

"You're the one who said you want to be friends with me! If you're hungry, come to my house and share my breakfast with me! If you're lonely, you can crawl into my arms! Don't hide in a dark corner and cry by yourself again! Never, ever shed tears when I'm not around to protect you, you dumbass stupid moron of a failure shinobi!!!"

"…But you hate me." Naruto looked vulnerable again, his voice soft and defeated like yesterday. The corners of his mouth were drooped downwards, his wide eyes lowered. "I always cause trouble for you, and you think I'm weak and incompetent and…"

"And you're the only one who noticed and accepted me when everyone else turned away," Sasuke finished the sentence, sitting up. "I like you, dumbass."

"…Ah?" Naruto also sat up, staring at Sasuke with his usual clueless expression before he suddenly blushed. "Wha—what kind of confession was that?! Wait, did you just confess to me?! Wawawa—What kind of sick twisted dream am I having?!"

Naruto squeaked when Sasuke pinched his cheek. "…That hurt you jerk!"

"So it's not a dream." Sasuke suddenly stopped talking, staring at the place beyond Naruto's shoulders. Then he turned Naruto around so that he, too, would look at the window next to their bed. Naruto's eyes widened.

"Ah. Snow…"

The cold, freezing rain of last few days had turned into big, white flakes of snow that silently filled the heavens and gathered in fluffy files outside. Sasuke threw open the window and held out his hand. Naruto drew the blanket around their body, yelling, "What the heck are you doing, Sasuke?! Have you finally lost your mind?!"

"Did you know?" Sasuke's lips were crooked into a smile, his eyes unusually warm. "If you catch the first snow of the year and wish upon it—your wish will come true."

His hand curled around the snowflake that quickly melted into water in his hand. "May it be that every year I can be with the one that I like the most, so that even if the outside world turns white with snow, the little space we share together will be filled with his golden light—"

Naruto placed his hand over Sasuke's hand. He was grinning widely, almost goofily. "May Sasuke not turn into a dog ever again, because he makes the most uncute dog."

When Sasuke threw him a dirty look while closing the window, Naruto burst into laughter and buried his head in Sasuke's chest. "And may I have more courage so that I can be more truthful to the one I like the most! Let's see the snow together next time too, Sasuke!"

_So that I may be able to be buried in your warmth and protect your weakness and be mesmerized by your brilliant smile, even in my true form._

* * *

-Finis-

The first snow of the year fell today. Happy winter holidays, everyone. This was written in fond memories of a Maltese pup I had to take care of for a week. If you ask me what the title has to do with the contents of the story itself… I might cry. (runs away)


	2. Nyankochan

**Guru****Guru****Wan****♡****Nyan****♡****Ninjutsu!**

**The Second Jutsu of Love****♡**

♡SasuNaru-Only Novel♡

I wasn't feeling well.

I frowned as I leaned against a wall and squinted my eyes. Everything was starting to look blurry. Ah… this is bad. If I collapse on the street, no one in this village would bring me home. In the worst case… I might be left out on the street to die… Damn it. That would be such an uncool way to die. Even though I was famous (?) for my healthy body, towards the afternoon I started to feel cold and I kept feeling like I had to throw up. Because I didn't want to burden my teammates I had laughed and acted like nothing was wrong, but I was at my limits.

I think the reason for my illness was the ramen I ate. Sasuke warned me that since we were in the enemy territory we shouldn't eat anything, but I was so hungry that I ignored his naggings and ate two bowls of ramen. A bit after that I started to feel dizzy and sick, but admitting that I was wrong would be like praising Sasuke. I'd rather die of poisoning than to let Sasuke laugh at me and act all superior again. …that bastard. Ah, thinking about him make my blood pressure hike up again…

I must've fainted on the street. When I woke up the sun was shining on my face in the most irritating way, so I rubbed my hands across my face, then licked my hands and started to clean myself up…

…Eh?

…EH!

I stared down on my hands. Or rather, my paws. There were cute pink, squishy pads on my furry paws. Something kept swishing at the corner of my vision, and when I finally managed to focus on the rapidly moving furry object, I suddenly realized that it was my tail that I was shaking in irritation.

"What the hell!" I yelped. Except my voice didn't come out. Instead, the most cute sounds along the lines of 'nyaaa—miyaaaa—' escaped from my throat. It was so cute that I wanted to barf. I trotted over to a nearby puddle—there was a rain yesterday afternoon that stopped towards the night, so there were many water puddles on the street—and stared at my reflection. A tiny kitten stared back at me, its big eyes wide open and its little tail swishing back and forth behind its chubby, tiny body. It resembled a golden ball of fur.

I sat on my hunches and started to howl. It was the only logical thing I could think of doing. How was I going to eat? Damn it, it sucked! After I spent few minutes spending my time in this most wise and efficient manner, bright female voices approached me. I perked up my ears and hurriedly dashed to a garbage bag, hiding behind it. If people threw stones at me as a little boy, I doubt people will find a dirty stray cat any more attractive. The garbage bag smelled incredibly foul and I felt despair again—do I have to search through this thing to eat from now on!

"And then—"

"Oh, that's horrible!"

Eh? That voice sounded familiar… I cautiously poked my head out from the crook behind the garbage bag, prepared to hide again should the necessity arise. My eyes directly made contact with bright green eyes of a girl that I knew very well.

"Kyaaa!"

Damn it, damn it! If I could have cried I would've cried enough to form an ocean. I pulled back and started to get ready to run for my life, but what Sakura said next made me pause.

"Look at that adorable kitten! Do you think it's lost?"

"Does he have a collar? He looks like a purebred, so I don't think he's a stray…" Ino said, carefully approaching me so that I wouldn't get scared away. When she got near she slowly reached out towards me, then pulled me into her arms and started to pat my head.

"It's tame! Look how sweet he is; he's soooo cute!"

"Do you think my mom will let me keep him if we can't find his owner? Oh look, he's purring! Isn't that just precious?"

While the girls were gushing over me and were fighting to pat me, I felt weird. I got better treatment as an animal than as a human. …Perhaps it'll be the best for me to stay like this for the rest of my life? That thought made me sad. I had dreams that I wanted to fulfill no matter what—I wanted to be a _hokage_ and I wanted to be acknowledged—and the main reason why I wanted those dreams was because I wanted other's attention and love. To think that I'd be able to get those things so easily…

"Ino, let me hug him too! Don't hog him!" Sakura said, reaching her hands out towards me. If I was a boy I'm sure I would've burst into nose blood. Sa, Sakura-chan hugging me? That meant that my face will be against her… chest, right! I felt my body being lifted up.

'This is paradise!' I thought as warm body heat made contact with my fur. I purred and rubbed my cheek against the soft, warm… muscular… chest…?

"Nyaaaaaa!" I think you can translate that as 'What the hell!.' Of all people in the world, Sasuke—the legendary Uchiha Sasuke!—was holding me in his arms with the most satisfied smirk on his face, roughly rubbing my head with his hand.

"Nyanko-chan, where did you go? Oniichan was worried about you all night! Bad, bad Nyanko-chan," Sasuke said, the smirk growing wider and wider. His voice sounded so sugary that I felt like gagging. More than that… Nyanko-chan? (What an awesome naming sense…;;;;;;) Crazy bastard! What was he thinking! Either he's sick, he's been brainwashed by aliens, or this is not Sasuke! Who are you, you fake!

"Sasuke-kun, you kept a cat?" Sakura asked, surprised. Of course he's lying, Sakura-chan! Can't you see it in that evil smirk of his! Does he look like the type of guy who'll raise fluffy, cute little kitten like me! (I'm not a narcissist damn it; don't give me that weird look! Honestly I'm currently so cute that I make myself barf!) Don't let him take me awayyyy—

Sasuke wiped the smirk off of his face and returned to his usual expressionless self. "Of course. Is there a problem?"

When the girls shook their heads, Sasuke turned around and started to leave. I didn't want to go with him! I tried squirming out of his arms, but Sasuke had this death grip on me and refused to let me go. Why, oh why did Sasuke insist on making my life miserable even when I turned into a cat…

Sasuke brought me to his home and unceremoniously dumped me into the sink and turned the water on. That's _cold,_ you bastard! I loudly shrieked and yowled in protest, but Sasuke ignored me and started to roughly scrub my fur in much the same fashion that one washes his underwear. Jerk! I hope my fur clogs up your pipes!

"Miiii—Miiiii—"

"Ah. You were a male," Sasuke said, touching me in areas I'd rather not be touched. The water was getting warmer and Sasuke was using some kind of really nice smelling liquid soap—was that the shampoo he was using?—while his long, slender fingers massaged through my fur and wrapped themselves around my body, so it started to feel really good. Forgetting that Sasuke was my mortal enemy(?), I started to purr and rub against his hand, curling and uncurling my tail happily. Sasuke smiled back.

"What, you're in heat?"

…DOKAN!

Tha, that idiot… Is that the only thing he thinks about? You know, there are things in this world called platonic love! Just because _you_ always act like a male dog in heat does not mean that everyone else feels the same way you do!

I gave him the dirtiest look that a wet kitten can give the guy who's washing him. Sasuke ignored me as usual (even when I gave him dirty looks as a boy he rarely would care) and finished rinsing me with clean water, then lifted me up and wrapped me up in a towel. After giving me a good rub, he left me on his bed. I struggled out of the towel and lost my balance, rolling several times in the bed before I was able to sit up. My ears perked up, I looked around Sasuke's room. Lucky bastard. He had such a nice room! The greatest thing about his room was his bed, which was huge and had three big, fluffy pillows. I dived into the pillows and rolled around, then batted the squishy feather pillows until few strands of feather started to spill out of the pillow. …Why is a guy living by himself sleeping in such a huge bed anyway? Geez, the bed was big enough for three grown men to sleep comfortably!

"Naruto, cut that out," Sasuke impatiently said, pulling the pillow away from my paws. Hey, I was playing with that! …More than that, don't name stray cats after me! What happened to your 'Nyanko-chan'!

"You'll have to survive on this until I get some cat food," Sasuke said, setting down a small dish in front of me. It was chicken soup with lots of big chunks of chicken meat, so I sat on my hunches and happily dug in. It tasted really good! After I was full, Sasuke covered corner of his room with newspapers and told me to do my business there. …Nyahahaha. It's finally time for revenge! Revenge! I shall poop all over your nice room, Sasuke! That'll show you that not everyone and everything obeys you!

While I was thinking of pleasant thoughts of Sasuke cleaning up cat crap and crying(…), Sasuke pulled out an album and a paper-wrapped package, which turned out to contain freshly developed photographs. I got curious, so I tried to jump back on the bed, but I failed and rolled across the floor instead. I started to cry.

"Nyaaaa--- Nyaaaan—"

Sasuke didn't look annoyed. He got off the bed, picked me up, and settled me on his lap while he went back to organizing his photographs. The photographs were of me eating, of me sleeping, of me…

…

Why the hell does Sasuke have my photographs?

More then that where did these photographs come from! I don't remember letting anyone take my picture while I was showering(!)! When Sasuke opened his album to put the pictures away I got even more freaked out. The album was full of my pictures! While my brain frantically tried to find a good reason as to why in the world Sasuke would have so many pictures of me (and where these suspicious pictures came from), Sasuke picked up one of the few pictures where he was actually posing for the picture with me and showed me the picture.

"See this boy here?" Sasuke said, pointing to me in the picture. "This is Uzumaki Naruto, who will be my wife when he grows up. Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen? We're going to have five children—three girls and two boys—and after all of our children grow up and leave I'll have Naruto all to myself until we die on the same day."

Sasuke said all this with this incredibly happy, sparkly smile that Sakura would sometimes have when she talks about how she wants to marry Sasuke. For few seconds I couldn't even think, but then my brain finally started to function again, and thoughts like 'Poor bastard, he finally went over the edge' and 'Don't worry, we'll find a nice, quiet hospital for you' ran through my mind.

"Since Naruto is still too little I'm going to let him grow up a little more before eating him up. Do you know how difficult it is to raise him, though? That dunce doesn't know anything, so I have to protect him from other perverts twenty-four seven! But I don't mind, since I get to take plenty of pictures of my lovely cutey sweet-honey Naruto-chan♡"

I, I think I heard a heart being attached at the end of the sentence just now… ;;;;;;; While I was seriously debating whether I should barf up the soup I just ate or not, Sasuke picked me up and kissed my nose. Ewwww! Don't do that! Don't get near me! From now on don't get closer than one kilometer radius from my location you stalker pervert psychotic gay bastard! Don't you know that stalking and photo-taking without permission is a crime!

"But I have trouble controlling myself nowadays since my Naruto-chan♡ is getting cuter and prettier every single day! Just yesterday Naruto-chan♡ was looking at me with this incredibly wet, erotic eyes, you know, with his cheeks all pink and his little lips all trembling, and I just wanted to jump him right then and there and make babies with him♡"

I thought that if I heard any more of Sasuke's gushing(…) I was going to be permanently traumatized. All these hearts floating around and Sasuke's sparkly eyes were more than I can bear. So I scratched him, wiggled out of his arms, and yelled at him.

"You nutcase! Pervert! That was because I was sick yesterday! I don't know what you're doing here when you should be in a nice quiet place where nice people will take care of you, but from now on don't get near me!"

I huffed with exhaustion after my wonderful(?) speech. Sasuke looked at me without saying anything. Was he thinking I caught rabies or something? …Why was he nose bleeding?

An ominous feeling rapidly dispersed through me, and I slowly lowered my eyes until I was able to look down on myself. …Damn it. I turned back into a boy. When did that happen? Even more seriously, where did all my clothes go?

"Naruto♡"

"Get away from me!" I screamed, backing away and covering my body up as well as I could. Laughing like a pervert, Sasuke slowly approached me. His eyes were brightly shining.

"Hn-- So the medication wears off after twelve hours."

"…! Sasuke, don't tell me you…!"

"I told you not to eat, didn't I? It's your fault for disobeying me. Bad boys should be punished, don't you think?"

"Ah, er, I don't think a punishment is necessary," I said, backing away as Sasuke got closer and closer.

"You were adorable as a cat, too, Naruto♡ Did it feel good when I touched you? Now that you're a boy again, I can do things that'll feel even better."

Sasuke leaned over and placed his arms on either side of my head, trapping me into the corner of his room. What do I do, what do I do… I'm too young to be raped, damn it!

"Sa, Sasuke, let's talk about this, okay? Wait, wait, get your hand out of there…"

"I bought a big bed just for you, too. See the three pillows there? One is for your head, the other is for your waist, and the last is to support your legs so that it won't be painful for you♡"

"Sa, Sasu… Ahn… Wa, wait, stop… Yaaa…"

"Naruto, please be my babies' mother♡"

"No! Sasuke, stop it! A..uuuu…"

"Thank you for the food♡"

This was not the kind of love and attention I wanted! Turn me back into a cat! Nuooooo—

…And that day Sasuke impregnated his Nyanko-chan. ;;;;;;;;

-The End-

Fellow Sasuke fans... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-- But it was so much fun to write. Wahahaha. (runs away)

Let's not question how Sasuke made a male cat pregnant♡ (If you know too much, you'll get traumatized like Naruto-chan. Ufufufu.)


End file.
